What a great 2008

I've been a bad Comp-Boy--- while poor Little Pee Wee has had to sit here, languishing in the knowledge that Blogs like his don't ever get anywhere when no one is around to, you know... talk meaningless bullshit for the internets to consume... and here I am, selfishly completing finals when I could be glorifying him!

Well, I've got a resolution for 2008: More Little Pee Wee, less Comp Boy. And if I don't graduate college and end up on the streets begging for camel lites and McDonald's Cheeseburgers, well, that's the price you pay to serve greatness.

As I say this, Little Pee Wee is... politely, carefully... shaving me with a straight razor. Why he is doing this while I type, I can't tell you. Why he purposefully nicked my throat to let spill a single drop of blood... ohh, I'm sure there's good reason for that. Yes. I'm absolutely sure.

LPW just jerked the razor in such a way as to remind me that there's something utterly important to discuss, something which could blast him back into the spotlight here in the great 2008-- and it doesn't involve his untoward designs towards his crush, the equally plastic Hillary Clinton-- it's that Paul Reuben, the actor who played the real Pee Wee is planning... on another two films.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen: Pee Wee is BACK!


And with the return of Big Pee Wee, Little Pee Wee will be much in demand-- perhaps allowing him to be able to get out of the Malibu Barbie Dream House he currently resides in, in my closet next to Snowball's cat box, and get his own apartment . But I doubt it. He seems to enjoy the smell.

I have my own reservations about the new Pee Wee movie: namely, the rumors that Johnny Depp has been asked to play Pee Wee.

You've seen Little Pee Wee: does he look like this...?




Not even kinda. Sure, Depp's a pretty boy who likes to play weirdos but he could never live up to the primal man-boy that is Pee Wee-- and, therefore, Little Pee Wee.

Oh wait.

Little Pee Wee is lifting my chin with the blade in such a way as to remind me that Comp-Boy's don't have opinions, 6 inch plastic dolls do.

On to the advice!!

Dear Little Pee Wee,

I am a 29-year old SHGM (Single Hispanic Gay Male). I work at a premier food and beverage establishment in Northeast Wisconsin. I love my job, but I hate the hours. My boss demands lots of hours and my personal life is suffering. I mean, I can barely keep up the maintenence on my hot bod and fab hair. How do you do it, Little Pee Wee? I am thinking of switching jobs, turning straight and auditioning for a reality dating show, I do Love New York! Do you think I have a chance for Season 3?

Thank You!

Frigid in the Frozen Tundra

Little Pee Wee feels your pain, FITFT, and wonders why you're acronym doesn't spell anything like in normal advice columns; you see, years ago Little Pee Wee tried out for The Real World, having seen the beauty that is that slut Trishelle-- he had hoped that, since she loved any kind of object shoved into her Mormon vagina, she might be interested in-- rather than 6 inches of a whole man-- a whole 6 inch man shoved into her Mormon vagina. His audition tape consisted of him staring blankly at a camera for five hours straight. As he has no actual eyelids, Little Pee Wee did not blink once.

He made it to the second interview but they found his backstory too boring.

Lately Little Pee Wee has considered joining the Celeb-Reality bandwagon, perhaps putting on an 10 ounces so he could be on celebrity fit club or maybe try to get into the Surreal Life-- Little Pee Wee is smaller than that Vern Troyer prick and everyone knows inebriated little people makes for good TV. Well, no one gets drunk like Little Pee Wee!


Peeing in the corner? Little Pee Wee is known to poop brown plastic pellets into long-neck bottles and serve them to friends, neighbors and religious leaders. Vern's got NOTHING on Little Pee Wee!

Anyway, FITFT, to answer your questions:

A) Little Pee Wee is made of plastic, so his hair and bod will last thousands of years after you've grown flabby, flaccid and fissile with decay--- so he suggests that you leap into a vat of chemicals and hope for the best. At the very least, you could take an imprint of your penis and have it made into a dildo-- like any self-respecting gay man, your penis should be what immortalizes you, not your personality.

B) Turn straight and try out for I Love New York? How completely unprecedented!!!


Hmmm..... I guess stranger things have happened!

From your friend, Little Pee Wee, and his helpless captive, Comp-Boy Curtis, I pray someone will heed these desperate cries for help.