Where the Beaches?

Little Pee Wee's not feeling the winter time. All the cold makes his old plastic limbs stiff.

These days, Little Pee Wee's dreaming about the summer time-- beach, beer and bitches, in his, ahem, "words." Last summer, we took a little road strip through the Carolinas, ending up at Kitty Hawk-- the Outer Banks, or OBX to the locals, drinking up sun and mojitos.

As Little Pee Wee hasn't had steady work since the 80s, I was stuck buying. Thank God he's a "Keystone Light" man.


Here's Little Pee Wee with a few of his "ho's." And by ho's he means "lovely young lady friends who have only put out for him once" I'm sure. No one ever puts out for Comp-boy Curtis....

While we were down there, Little Pee Wee gambled with old men, flew kites, got drunk with the locals and nearly got into a knife fight with a crab. No, seriously....


That crab wasn't to be messed with- but, then, neither is Little Pee Wee.

All it takes is one Little Pee Wee glare and that crab broke down in crustacean tears... which are like crocodile tears, only more Emo.

On to today's very first "Ask Little Pee Wee" column!

Little Pee Wee,

I'm trying to work on this powerpoint presentation for a class and it's positively dull! How do I get motivated and stop getting distracted? I've been staring at the computer so long my vision is blurry.

Cross-eyed in Chicago

Little Pee Wee is gyrating madly, which could only mean one of three things:

A) you've said the secret word. And since the secret word has been "Jack Daniel's" for as long as I've known LPW, that can't be it.

B) Little Pee Wee is somehow turned on by your question and, perhaps, the words "Power" and "Point."

Or C) he's thinks you've done something dumb: namely, being here, reading this website.

No, it looks like it's the Power Point thing-- and the fact that you have crossed-eyes. Little Pee Wee is into some very freaky shit.

Little Pee Wee suggests that, after sending pictures of your crossed-eyes, highly cropped so as to reveal no other feature, preferably with extremely red veins from a long night of crying and/or studying, you should disconnect your internet, turn on some music (Little Pee Wee is into death-metal, so he prefers Nocturnus) and stare at the screen until you realize you're going to fail a class and get no where in life, end up working at Walmart but you'll fail the "Greeter" exam and be stuck sweeping aisle 90 for the next ten years until one day you'll abruptly realize you've pretty well fucked yourself over a power point project you probably could've completed in an hour and a half.

Unofficially, he also suggests coke. That is, coca cola. In powdered form. Little Pee Wee once wrote an autobiography in 3 days with no sleep thanks to that. Unfortunately, he could not find a publisher.

Hope that helps, CEIC!

This is Comp-boy Curtis for Little Pee Wee saying, "The Playhouse is always open."

Or something.